Only Human
by Trunk'sfallenAngel
Summary: Maddie was the girl that never listened . The girl that never cared . The girl that acted like you weren't even there . Maddie pretended to ignore his loving stares . Warning cutting , language and possible lemons .
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Twilight .

…...

Me the amazing Maddie . The girl that never gave a flying fuck . Crying in a bathroom stall because a bully called her a stupid whore . How totally pathetic this shit truly is . I wiped away my tears . My mascara must be running by now . I was going to be in so much trouble when I got home . I had been crying in here since lunch period . I couldn't bring my self to care though . I stand up and wipe my eyes .

I walk towards the bathroom mirror . I look like crap . I grab a hold of the sink to steady my wobbly legs . I can't help but laugh . I all ways look like crap . My mascara has run badly . My hair is a mess from clutching and pulling at it . My blood red lipstick is smeared across my cheek . I look like a horror movie clown . God I need a smoke .

I grab paper towels and quickly wipe away the mess I've made of my make up . I can't even be bothered putting on more . I put my slightly wavy black hair into a new bun . I put on my sunglasses to hide my puffy eyes . I take in a deep breath and walk out the bathroom .

The hall has very few students . No duh dumb ass the last bell rung 15 minutes ago . I sigh and walk over to my locker . I open it to find a pile of papers in there and a small note sitting on top .

To : Maddie

I did your homework in free period . You better call me tonight no excuse !

From your best friend ever Dan .

What a life saver that guy is . I put the done home work in my bag . I grab my umbrella out seeing that it is raining . I walk down the stairs to get to the exit . My Mom is gonna chew my ass out for this . What ever .

I walk outside into the heavy pouring rain . The strong wind all most knocks me off my feet . I open my umbrella and begin to walk home . My black skinny jeans , red blouse , Black trench coat and shiny black hiking boots get lightly wet . I close my coat hoping to not get completely soaked . A car drives past and all most splashes me with water .

" You dick ! " I scream holding up the middle finger .

I walk home for twenty minutes . When I finally get there I close the door behind me with a sigh . I take my sunglasses off . The house is eerily silent .

" Mom you home ? Mom ? " I call through the empty house .

I walk into the living room . I jog upstairs maybe she's in her study . I enter her study . It's a huge room I walk around . I trip over something and fall to the ground . I look behind me to find see my Mom . Oh my god what's wrong with her .

" Mom are you OK ? " I ask shaking her . Her eyes are closed and she doesn't look like she's breathing . I grab my cell phone out and dial 911 .

" Hello ? "

" This is Maddie Thomas . I just got back from school and my Mom was on the floor . She isn't breathing . " I scream into the phone .

"Calm down . What is your address ? "

I tell the lady quickly . We hang up as I try to wake my Mom up . Even though I already know what the doctors are going to say . I let out a choked sob . My Momma is dead . I cower a way from the body and stare at it . Those words repeating over and over . My Mom is dead .


	2. Chapter 2

I lay in my older cousins arms. I haven't left them since the funeral ended this afternoon. It was so horrible, all those people pretending like they cared about my Mother. They never cared enough to help her when her husband was abusing her. They didn't care enough to give her emotional support.

But as soon as she dies they care. Is that what will happen at my funeral? People that never gave a damn about me will suddenly become my biggest fan? I hate life, I hate the world. Why is everything so unfair. Why me? Why did my Mother have to die? She was going to help raise my kids one day. We had such big dreams. She didn't even get to watch me graduate. How could she leave me her only child all alone in this cold world? I want her back. Bring her back!

I said worthless gibberish as I sobbed. But Leah didn't complain, she just listened quietly stroking my hair. She knows how it hurts. She knows how bad it feels to have the world rub salt into your fresh wounds. Oh yes, Leah is no stranger to suffering. This is why she was the first person I ran too.

Because she knows what it's like to cry. She knows I didn't need her to say anything. That I don't want her too say anything. Because if we say it out loud it becomes real. And maybe if I don't say it out loud she'll come back. But these are just the empty dreams of orphaned child. But the dreams are only wished with half my heart. I've made my peace with reality. The reality that's she's gone.

But I still won't say it out loud. There's just something so gruesome about saying it. For me it conjures up horrible and frightening images. She's just sitting in a dark hole in the ground. She's never liked the dark I could just see her casket. In 5 years the wood would have rotted a-and. I go into another round of tears thinking about her fear of bugs.

Even as I burst into a whole new fit Leah just rocked me back and forth. She knows that all I wanted to do is cry. That the only thing I've done for the last couple of days is cry. And that's all I'd be doing for a long time. Leah always did understand me. Maybe it's because we've suffered together. We've always been there for each other when it counts.

When no one else is on my side Leah is. She's my rock forever and she always will be my rock. I wish I was as strong as her. Uncle Harry only died 3 months ago. And now she's suffering another loss. But she doesn't cry with me she just pets my head and hums a old melody my Mom use to sing. She didn't know the words but I didn't need to hear them. The words would make me feel sad but the tune is a reminder that I'm safe in the arms of a loved one.

And that's when I realized that Leah is my hero and protector. She would never leave me. She would fight through an army just to sing a haunting lullaby as she hugs me. As long as I needed her she'd be here. Even when I don't think I need her she'd be there to catch me.

By some unknown force when Leah heard that Mom had passed away. It was like all of Mom's hope for me, all of her love for me transferred to Leah. It was Mom's last bit of will on this Earth to make sure I would have someone. Someone that loved me like she did.

And if it wasn't for Leah I might have killed myself by now. But then I figured there's no point I would just hurt Leah, Dan, Seth and Aunt Sue. I don't want to hurt them. So I will live out the rest of my life sentence but all the while I'll be wishing for death. I just won't take my own life but I'd always yearn for my Mother's soft loving caress.

I'd always wish there was a way to have her back. But there isn't but I'd always hope and humans live off hope so I see no error in this. But right now I would just focus on healing my pain. So maybe one day I could learn to enjoy living instead of it being a chore.

* * *

I don't expect reviews since these chapter will be short maybe medium depends. This is my hey I'm bored let me go update story. Not my master piece. So if you review Yay! If you don't cool. I've got to go sleep now going to the park later. Oh joy :\ .


	3. Chapter 3

"Please Aunt Sue. Please don't make me go." I beg tears pooling in my eyes.

I was about to have a mental break down. I want to scream and pull out my hair . Just the idea of going back to school brought me great agony. I never wanted to go back to that hell hole. But my Aunt didn't get it.

She just kisses my forehead and continues packing my lunch. How can she not sense the absolute desperation rolling off me? Sue can read people like a book she must be putting it off as anxiety. This isn't any god damn anxiety this is me not wanting to face my tormenters.

I'm in no shape to handle verbal and physical attacks. I haven't left the house in a week. Since when did a week become enough time to grieve anyways? Maybe since I stopped crying she figured I'm better. Aunt Sue always did over-estimate my toughness. But then again I don't usually cry in front of people. On the inside I'm a big baby that whimpers when someone glares at me.

If I go to that school I'll be the biggest target ever. I won't be the target of just bullying either. I'll be stared at with sympathetic eyes. People I don't know will come up and say 'sorry for your lost' or even better 'I know how you feel'.

They don't know how I feel. No one knows how I feel about this. My Mother was my best friend and now I'll never see her again. Her body is cold and life less. She's sitting in a cold, dark, damp box under the ground. My best friend and caretaker is lying under the ground and you know how I feel? I don't think you do.

I wasn't in the mood for fake people and their pity. And the bullies would just continue to be assholes. At least the normal people have the decency to _pretend_ to give a shit about other people's lives. But the only reasons my tormenters give me any heed is to tease me about it later.

"You can't hide from the world." Sue says.

"I'm not trying to hide from the world! I just need more time before I deal with other people." I sniffle.

Don't cry right now.

"Oh sweetie sometimes, the thing you need the most is what you don't want. You have to start healing. This is going to help being around kids that know and love you."

The only things those kids will be doing is whispering as I walk down the halls. Why would they help me 'heal'? They'll probably just talk about how I'm so emotionless for not crying. But why should I cry for their amusement? I can't let them see me like this. I refuse to be weak.

When I step out of this house I have to be aloof, blank, uncaring and cold . But this was an easy feat, after all I'm just a shell. A mere vision of the girl I used to be. But it's simpler this way. I don't have to try to be perfect because know I never can be. Someone with half a soul could never hope to be perfect.

"Please don't make me go." I sigh.

"Sorry kiddo. But I will drive you." She offers.

Yeah being dropped off at school by your Aunt. That won't ruin the rest of high school. Well make it worse, as I've already said the only thing the people do is bully me. Well that's not true only 7 people bother me. But they're the worse bullies in history so sometimes I forget how many . It feels like a thousand. Everyone else ignores me. They avoid me like I have the plague.

Maybe it's because Becky told everyone I was a dirty emo whore with aids. I've never even had a boyfriend. I've only kissed one guy. Becky has slept with almost everyone in school. But somehow I've become the whore? Yep the stupidity of high school has conquered logic once more. I don't think they _actually _believe it. But if they say that or associate with me they'll be on Queen B's hit list. And trust me her 'punishments' are horrible.

She never gets caught either. Her Dad is on the council so she's pretty much untouchable. He's a reasonable man and if anyone told him he'd punish her. But she's just so scary and she has eyes and ears every where. And she won't rest until she knows who told on her, so she can exact her unholy revenge on that poor human.

No one but Dan had ever stood up to her before. Needless to say he isn't very popular anymore. Not that he cares about that anyway.

"No thanks aunty, I'll just take my motorcycle." I sigh picking up the lunch. I have lost the argument. Might as well get there now.

"It's going to rain later. Take your car instead." She says.

"Does Seth need a ride?" I ask.

"No you can bring him home though." She says.

"Okay, bye then." I grumble leaning down to kiss her cheek.

I'm taller than she is. Not as tall as Leah but still taller than a lot of the guys at my school. I got my height from my Dad's side of the family. My long legs are the only good feature I have. Other than that I'm fat and ugly. I can't be bothered dieting though. No matter how much I exercise I'm still so fat.

With a growl I open the door and rush to my car. The wind whips at my hair furiously. It was as if it also thought going to school was a bad idea. The harsh and cold wind was just urging me to run into the house and cower under my covers. I was all to aware of the thunder that crackled in the distance. I hate thunder. What a day to go to school.

I fumble with my key for a second. The strong rain is obscuring my vision. I pull on the handle a little to hard cause I stumble back wards when it opens. I jump into the car and slam the door shut. For a moment I just sit there shivering from the after shock of the cold. Soon I remember why I'm in the car in the first place.

I wipe my damp face with the rough sleeve my shirt is made of. I didn't have time to change. So to make the day worse I was going to school with no make up, a slightly to big gray sweatshirt, and my favorite black skinny jeans. My hair was in its usual ponytail. The only jewelry I have on is my Mother's silver charm bracelet. I was wearing a worn but nice pair of light blue sneakers. It wasn't the worse thing I've worn but I always made an effort to look pretty. Even though I could never possibly be pretty. Unless I went through a crap load of plastic surgery. And why waste so much money on that.

With a groan of despair I click my seat belt into place. I would have to do my make up at school. I know I have some in my locker. I take a deep breath before adjusting my mirrors and such. When everything is good I start the trip to my school.

Several seconds of silence pass by. Even though I'm quiet I don't like the quiet. I pop a random CD into the stereo. I wait for a second before music suddenly bursts to life.

"_I'm on the highway to hell."_

I almost burst into a fit of laughter at the song. I most certainly was on a highway to hell. I nod my head to the beat of the song singing along loudly and off key. I never sing around other people. I had a nice voice when I try to sing, I'm just shy about it.

"Hey Satan, paying my dues!" I scream turning the song up. This is my favorite part.

I love old music. Mostly rock and roll or metal. But I do like old pop, country and blues. I just hate most new pop. Half the people can't sing nowadays. AC/DC has to be the coolest band ever. Before I know it I pull into the school parking lot. The lot is littered with people. I thought I would be late. Wait why are they outside isn't it rain... It seems the rain stopped while I've jammed to AC/DC.

I don't bother getting out of my car just yet. Not wanting to waste my gas I turn off the car and slowly get out. Before I can even say what the hell I feel arms envelop me. I relax after a second, only one person hugs like this.

"I'm so sorry." Dan whispers into my hair.

"Not your fault. It's no ones fault." I force a small smile.

"I just wish I had been there for you. If it was up to me I would have been with you every second of the day." He sighs stepping away from me.

"Leah took over that job for you." I say my voice slipping back into its neutral state.

"I always did like that girl." He grins.

I don't smile back. I don't have to, he knows I'm happy. He is one of the few people who can read my emotions. Leah, Seth and my Mom we're the others. Aunt Sue is nice enough but she just doesn't get me. I wish she did. She'll be my legal guardian until I'm 18. He reads my body language, you can't tell what I'm feeling by my face.

His arm slips across my shoulder as he begins to guide me inside. I know what he's trying to do and I couldn't be more grateful. Know one would even dare ask me anything about the recent events with Dan near bye. He's a nice guy to everyone he loves to make people happy. But if you even attempt to bother me well, I hope you enjoy world war 3. He protects people he loves with his life. Act first as questions later is his motto.

It's worked so far so I have no quarrels with it.

"So any updates on school?" I ask tilting my head upwards to look at him.

I'm tall but he's taller, if only by a couple inches.

"Nothing to exciting. That Jake kid has been missing from school for a bit." He says in an off handed manner.

"Think he's joined Sam?" I mumble looking at a 9 Th grader duck her head and dart bye.

"No doubt in my mind he has. He went through all the steps. Growth spurt, his skin get's hot and he has random bursts of anger. The last thing was disappearing. Now he's gone, he'll be back in a couple more weeks. His hair will be short and he'll have the tattoo." Dan chuckles.

"How... unfortunate." I say slowly.

Not like I actually cared. It's just that me and Dan enjoy observing the happenings of the little reservation we call home. When things happen we know about them. We don't go prying through people's business. That would just be rude to do. But when we come across a piece of information we acknowledge it and move on. It gives us some form of entertainment.

"It's a weird pattern. Who do you think will be next?" He asks glancing down at me.

"First was Sam of course. Next Jared Cameron, Then Paul Lahote, Leah, Embry Call and Jacob Black." I pause mulling over any possible links between them all. " Well they're all related in some form." I say.

"Oh really how?" Dan wonders out loud.

"Well I'm not sure about Embry. But Jared is related to Jacob, I think there second cousins. Then Leah is related to Sam. Their first cousins."

"Is that even legal?" Dan asks curiously.

"It is in certain states, but it doesn't happen very often do to genetic issues and what not. " I say waving my left hand slightly. "I think Paul's great grandma was a Uley."

"So what does that make Sam and him?" Dan says his voice laced with confusion.

"Uh I have no idea." I say letting out a small sigh.

This is the only thing that has ever made me want to dig deeper. I never pry into someone's business that I didn't belong in. Well I never went _too_ deep anyways. But it's just so confusing. They _say_ they help out the reservation, sort of like an unofficial police force. Even though I think it's bull shit the council backed it up.

And there is no logical explanation as to why the council would lie about this. But something seems fishy. Dan and I aren't the only two who think so. Half of La, Push and some of Forks is still making up stories surrounding the mysterious gang.

"So the only link so far is that they are distant relatives." Dan says.

"Except for Embry." I correct.

"Right, Embry's mom is from the Makah tribe. I've never met his Dad." He says.

"No one knows who Embry's Dad is." I say examining my nails.

I didn't have the time to paint them. I hate going to school looking raggedy. That's why I dress in nice clothes and make up. So I can hide my ugly. But today I'm going all natural, thanks to my wonderful aunt. Wow I'm angry right now.

"And the legacy of La Push's crappy Dads continue." Dan whispers into my ear.

I can't help but give a short chuckle. It's true about Quileute's having horrible Fathers. My Dad was abusive. Dan's dad is a drunk, a pleasant drunk but a drunk nonetheless. Sam's Dad was a ma whore. And there are a couple other horrible Dad's. Most are runaways and drunks.

"Wait Sam's Dad was a _huge_ man whore. Sam could be Embry's older half-brother." I say.

"Oh that makes sense I guess Embry could be Sam's half brother. Now that I think about it they look a bit alike." He smiles.

"So we have the connection... But what the hell is the motive?" He groans.

"The world may never know." I say solemnly. I dare taking a glance at Dan. Are eyes meet before we burst into laughter.

"Moving on, do you have the notes I wrote for our classes?" Dan asks wiping the tears of mirth from his eyes.

"You know it." I say.

"Did you study them?"

"Leah made me." I say my eye twitching at the memory of Leah quizzing me.

"I like that girl more and more with every day." He sighs happily.

"I bet you do, you self loving son of a"

**RING RING RING**

I groan as the bell rings. I hate that bell. I hate lots of things but that bell is at the top of the list. I will destroy it one day. Revenge will be mine and it shall be sweet.

"Let's get to class Mad hatter." Dan grins gently tugging me out the path of some kid. I turn my head for as long as I can to glare at the girl. I turn my head back around because Danny can only guide me safely for so long.

It's not long before we reach our first class. Which just so happens to be my best and least favorite class. _Math class._

"After you Milady." Dan says with a mock bow and opens the door.

I stand there for a second with the door open and a couple kids looking at me. I step in and instantly every single eye is on me. They watched me in an all most hungry manner. Maybe hoping for a girl with red rings around her eyes? Or would a girl that is going to break into hysterical tears when talked to be better suited to their taste? Just to fuck with their minds further, I give a small wave and walk over to my seat.

Simultaneously the room decides to avert their eyes. Ignoring them I turn to Danny, who has just occupied the seat in front of me. He's straddling the back of his chair as he stares at me.

"Are you okay?" He says quietly.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I ask a soft smile tugging at my lips.

"Because... never mind you might be the most awesome girl I've ever met." He grins.

"And don't you forget it." I say just as the teacher enters.

The rest of the class passes by uneventfully. Other than the teacher saying she felt sorry for me in front of the whole class. But my mind is occupied by the mystery of Sam's group. Why would Leah and Seth join them? Of all people to join the 'gang'. Why would Leah and Seth willingly devote time to Sam ? They joined them around the time their Dad died. Is this some form of clue?

The bell rings all to soon and I gather my things quickly. All the while I still was thinking who was next? Danny, some random boy I don't know. I sigh and take Danny's hand as we walk out of class together. Their was an odd feeling in my gut. It was telling me not to go any further with this. It felt like something _really _bad would happen if I did. I guess some mysteries are better left alone.

* * *

This story originally didn't have a big fan base but it's growing in popularity. Thanks you guys, I was just about to can this one. Really glad I didn't.


	4. Chapter 4

My eye lids grew heavy and my head light. The blood trickled out of my wrist steadily. The feeling was indescribable. All my pain, all my sorrow and grieve left me. They we're replaced by the sweet sensation of physical pain. It might seem stupid but I felt at peace.

Nothing in the world could bother me in this moment, in this perfect moment. My eyes lowered to watch the the blood that sustained me leave my body. I couldn't really register anything. My brain was barely working. Everything was just one big fuzzy mess. But I didn't mind. I _loved_ this feeling. The moment where I seemed to be suspended in time. Where emotions, nightmares and thoughts can't touch me.

I felt emotion but it was good emotion. The emotions I never could create myself. I felt happy. I wish I could stay here forever. That would be nice. Maybe I wanted to stay here because I know what would come next. When I left this bathroom I would be forced to think of what I just did. I'd be forced to deal with the reality that I had erased 5 months of progress, and flushed it down the drain.

Had I failed my Mom? I promised not to do it again. That might as well have been her dying wish. As the pain turned to a dull ache shame washed over me. Why did I do it? Well I know why I did it. But I could have talked to someone about it! Why did I have to cut?

Now I would have another horrible scar to decorate my already flawed skin. As if I wasn't ugly enough. I deserve to be bullied. I deserve to be yelled at, pushed and hit. I'm a monster. I could feel my eyes start to sting and my throat get tight. I know I wouldn't cut if I didn't do this to myself. But I can't stop doing it either. Because I know that all of it's true.

I bring the hand not covered in blood to wipe my tears away. I'm so sorry Momma.

"Maddie, Maddie are you in there?" I stop crying when I hear the voice.

Shit, I can't let Seth find out. I can't let anyone find out about me cutting. They'd think I'm stupid they'd be so ashamed of me. They would call me crazy like the bullies at school. I stand up in panic looking for something to wipe up the blood. I have to grab the counter sink to steady myself. Looks like I lost more blood then I thought. I stumble over to towel rack. I pull at one and begin wiping up the blood on the floor.

"Yeah Seth I'm in here." I say trying to keep the panic and shaking out of my voice.

"Are you okay? You've been in there a long time." He asks jiggling the lock.

I turn on the sink and let the cold water flow over my wound. I let out a small hiss at the rush of pain. The blood mixes with the water as it washes down the drain. I cut a bit deeper than I meant to. No time to worry about that now. I take the first aid kit from under the sink. I pop it open hurriedly searching for the gauze. After I find it I begin to hurriedly wrap my wrist.

"Oh I have?" I say.

"Yes you've been in there for an hour." He sounds mildly annoyed.

"Sorry Seth, I'll be out in a moment." I say.

"Alright but if it's more than 6 minutes I'm coming in there." He says.

I listen to his foot steps move away from the door. After I'm sure he's gone I unlock the bathroom door. Peering outside to make sure no one is around. I walk back into the bathroom to retrieve the bloody towels. Taking a deep breath I creep past Seth's room.

I run down stairs as quietly and quick as possible. Not an easy feat because the stairs are old and creaky. I turn into the first door I see. Flicking on the light switch before slamming the door shut. I open the washer checking to make sure there aren't any clothes in there. When I see that there aren't any I drop the towels in. Putting bleach and soap in I turn it on.

With a sigh I walk out the laundry room. I can't cut it again it makes things too complicated. It's like smoking you can never seem to quit, no matter how hard you try. Something just pisses you off so much you have to go and do something that makes you happy. And unlucky for me cutting makes me happy.

I'm not addicted to cutting my self, I'm addicted to the rush of happiness it brings. But what's the difference? If self harm is the only thing that brings me this joy how is it any different? At one point I'll start doing it again. No matter how long it was since I last did it. I wish I could find joy in some other way. I'll forever miss the point in my life when I wasn't so fucked up. But those day are gone. Just like my Mother.

* * *

Review if you want and if you don't that's fine.


End file.
